Energy efficient

I consider myself to be an energy efficient person. More so when it comes to my OWN energy than anything else, but still--I preserve, allocate and measure out exactly when and what I will need to be, with the obvious caveat that unpredictable shit happens.

But I know what drains me and what fuels me. I also believe that being an energy efficient person makes me way more sensitive to other people's vibes. Granted, this is a wash when it comes to affairs of the heart, but in GENERAL, no one wants to keep slamming up against a brick wall.

Maybe when it comes to crushes and love and that sorta riff raff, we just don't know what else to do with the energy--thus: self, meet wall. Ah, we meet again. And again. 

Anyway, back to the non-crushes. This may be to hippie-dippy for you, but I can kinda tell where my energy is welcome, and where it isn't. I can also tell when someone is trying to siphon it, knowingly or not.

I save my energy for interviews, but I can tell pretty quickly whether or not me and the interviewee are connecting at all. And this connection doesn't lie solely on them OR me. If I'm not connecting, I can approach if from a logical standpoint... eliminate/re-word questions, etc. But I can't lie. I never lie. And sometimes, they're preserving. And that's something I definitely respect.

Sometimes I get to interview pretty big... musicians. Entertainers? Stars. Stars in that everyone is always looking at them, whether they want it or not.

I do my homework. I try not to ask dumb, tedious questions. But sometimes, you can lob what seems like a gem in their direction and it will just fall flat before the finish line. Hell, before the starting line, even.

It's an exchange of energy you can't be ever 100% ready for.

I think what I'm saying is / I kinda want to go back to school / I want to read studies and do research and explore things

Don't get me wrong--I love live music, and I love my job. I GET PAID TO BE MYSELF.

But the learning... the learning is missing. And I feel it. Maybe it's only been missing since they took my very experienced badass boss away to solve some other problems. To make some other moves. 

I want to learn. I need to learn. I want to connect.

What's next?

I'm biting down just to feel my tongue

I had some serious moments of contemplation this weekend that went like this:

I need to live in Santa Barbara.

How?

Well. You could teach at UCSB.

So, you're going to quit music and go back to school?

Maybe.

For what?

Communications, obvs.

It's expensive.

I know. But I felt so alive when I was in school. So... stimulated and like I felt good about what I was doing. Not that I don't feel good now. I just felt better then.

So what are you going to do?

Drive home with the windows down.